May 2005

How do you deal with clients who come to coaching under duress?

by Judith Cohen

Dear Judith:
I frequently have clients who are referred to me by their employers who want them to work on some specific issue. Sometimes this is a “last chance” before being let go. Sometimes this is to help the person better do his or her job. Usually, the person being referred has no understanding of coaching nor do they appreciate having to use my service. How do you deal with people who come to the coaching relationship under duress?
K.F.

Dear K.F.:
You are posing an interesting question. The first issue to be dealt with is determining who the client is. Until the person talking with you actually commits to the coaching relationship, you don’t have a client. They will see their employer as your client and not themselves. It is essential to step over nothing and name this dynamic at the outset.

The next steps are a bit of a dance. You must both enroll your client in the process and design an alliance with them that serves the coaching relationship. For the client who knows nothing about coaching, this is an opportunity to educate them. Ask them about their fantasies about coaching. You can correct any misconceptions that they may have and also get some understanding about what will work and not work with this client. Designing an alliance with the client includes establishing clear rules about confidentiality and any other agreements that are necessary to ensure your client’s trust.

How do you enroll your client in the Co-Active coaching relationship? For all the resistance your clients might be exhibiting, they still have chosen to show up and meet with you. Some part of them is open to doing the work. Get curious about that. Who are they being in the face of their Gremlins? This situation provides a great opportunity to call clients forth. It’s also an excellent time for you to train them in clearing. There are probably things that they need to say in order to be fully present to the coaching. Give them that opportunity.
Just as you would with any client, get them involved in talking about what they yearn for on their jobs and in the rest of their lives. When clients experience their Big A agendas, enrollment has begun. What are the possibilities available to them as a result of this coaching relationship? What if this is finally the opportunity to have what they really want rather than settling for something less than that?

If the person is truly unwilling or unable to do the work that is required, then ethically you have a responsibility to end the relationship. However, if your client is flexible and able to stand in the powerful perspective of choosing to work with you, you will have a good chance of success. Most people, when offered client-centered outcomes that call forth their passions, are thankful for the opportunity to be coached.

I am a new coach who just lost a client. I’m feeling very insecure. What should I do?

by Judith Cohen

Dear Judith:
I'm a new coach and I feel really insecure at the moment. Integrity is one of my top values and I don’t feel like I know what I am doing. A client just quit because I wasn’t meeting her needs. How can I represent myself as a coach if I keep making such big mistakes?
L.D.

Dear L.D.:

It sounds like you have a lot of things collapsed into the meaning of being a coach. Let’s separate out what coaching is and what it isn’t. Underneath all of your insecurity and worry, I hear a deep yearning to serve your clients well and to master your craft of coaching. Thank you for bringing such desires to the profession. We need people like you.

Professionalism is an important aspect of coaching. Integrity is also part of being a professional coach. However, integrity doesn’t mean never making a mistake. What it does mean is that you acknowledge your mistakes and that you learn from them. The Co-Active model includes Deepening the Learning/Forwarding the Action. What can you learn from your work with this client? What will you do differently next time?

Being a coach also does not mean pleasing everyone all the time. As you develop your practice, you’ll find the type of people with whom you most enjoy working. Some people will just not fit your ideal client profile. It could be that this client was not a good fit for you at this time. Thankfully, there are numerous coaches in the world and enough clients to fill each coaching relationship.

I’m guessing that insecurity is a Gremlin for you. How can we get that Gremlin to work for you rather than against you? What is it telling you? That you are not good enough? Instead of just having your Gremlin batter you, how about you defining what is good enough rather than letting your Gremlin define it. Let’s assume that there is a grain of truth in what your Gremlin is saying. How can you use the fact that you have more to learn to empower your coaching rather than to disable it? You’ve already taken a step in this direction by writing me. Congratulations!

Finally, your client told you she was ending her work with you because you weren’t meeting her needs. Was this a surprise to you? Did your client discuss this before letting you know that she was ending her work with you? One of the hallmarks of Co-Active coaching is the designed alliance. This means that it is the responsibility of both the coach and the client to empower this relationship. It’s important to train your clients to ask for what they want. An unexpressed request lives underneath most complaints. What were your client’s needs? Were they made explicit throughout the relationship? Were they appropriate to the coaching relationship?

Be kind to yourself and keep asking for support. You are not alone. I’m sure other coaches will be happy to share their learning experiences with you. Soon you’ll be able to say, “Look at how much I learned from this client!”