June 2006

Coaching during client vacations

by Judith Cohen

Dear Judith, 
Summer is coming up and several of my clients are going on extended vacations. What is your feeling about coaching during vacation times? 
L.T.

Dear L.T.:
On first glance, I’m particularly struck by the way that you phrased the question. “What is your feeling about coaching during vacation times?” This evokes a different response than “What is your thinking about coaching during vacation times?” So I will answer you from both perspectives.

In regard to feeling, when I am on vacation, I want to “vacate” and get away from work. I go on vacation to relieve myself of my regular responsibilities and to relax and refresh myself. To work while I am on vacation feels like I am creating an oxymoron.

When I think about vacation, that becomes a less defined situation in my mind. While I can definitely support my feelings in regard to “vacating,” my mind also can think of reasons to continue coaching while on vacation. It doesn’t necessarily hold coaching as work. In fact, my mind holds coaching as a gift to myself so why would I want to take a break from it?

As I dig deeper into the question, I am wondering whether your question is coming from a thought or a feeling. You didn’t say anything about yourself, so I don’t know whether you are asking from a place of scarcity as in, “How will I support myself during the summer months?” or whether you are asking from a philosophical place. From a philosophical place, this is an excellent discussion to have with your clients. It will help you understand how they view coaching and how they view vacations. Many of my clients see coaching as work and a gift. Regardless of whether they come to sessions during their vacation or not, they hold themselves accountable (as do I) for continuing to do their coaching work while on vacation.

In the end, I believe that this is a question to be mutually answered by you and your client as you begin your work together. There are no set rules. What is most important is that it works for both of you. You should definitely plan for the fact that your clients will not be available all the time. Most people do take breaks during the summer and between Christmas and New Year’s Day. This means that you must put away money for these times and/or create multiple streams of income so that you can design your alliance with your clients from a space of financial integrity.

Taking time off

by Judith Cohen

Dear Judith:
I have a client who is a writer. He is usually pretty diligent about getting his work done but recently he’s been taking a lot of time off. Instead of writing, he’s been visiting friends, playing ball and spacing out watching television. He feels awful about himself when he does this. How can I motivate him to go back to his writing?
M.M.

Dear M.M.: 
Ironically, the best motivation may come from encouraging him to keep doing what he is doing. What if your client has been working too hard and these diversions are much-needed mini-breaks? It may be possible that he has been too focused on his work of late and his fun and recreation needs are requiring some more positive attention. Respite can often be a helpful response to a stressed out situation.

I’m particularly interested in the fact that he is feeling awful about himself. No matter what the cause, feeling awful about oneself is not a positive response to a situation. You might want to explore what his internal messages are saying to him. He might have an erroneous belief that he is not entitled to take a break until he finishes a certain amount of writing. While this is an excellent structure for discipline, it can be an arbitrary decision and not based on his creative need in the moment.

You mentioned that he is usually pretty diligent about getting his work done. I don’t know for how long these breaks have been occurring or whether they have truly impeded his writing. These are important questions to explore. Assuming that this has been short-lived, standing in a new perspective and validating his behavior may honor his need for a break. Once refreshed, if he is truly committed to his craft, he’ll return to writing.

What has motivated him to write in the past? Is writing his primary occupation or is it his avocation? Helping him reconnect to his passion and his creativity may get him over this particular ebb of energy. If however, these breaks are symptomatic of something more than a temporary lack of balance, it is important to discuss this as well. Writing is a form of self-expression. Are there other ways that he is choosing to express himself? What is blocking this particular form of expression? Has his passion moved to some other venue? These are all powerful questions to explore.

Here is one final suggestion inspired by a homeopathic perspective. Have him write a piece about not wanting to write or not being able to write. Giving voice to those particular feelings is likely to reconnect him to what is important to him and what is next wanting to be expressed.